This is dedicated to, but not inspired by, my amazing mother-in-law, who’s an amazing blessing in my life
10:00 a.m.
The kids are off to school, the laundry has been sitting in the washer since 6:30 last night, and you’re trying to tackle the breakfast dishes. Don’t lie to yourself; it’s also the dinner dishes from the night before. When suddenly you hear a knock at the door. It’s your mother-in-law dropping by unexpectedly.
“Oh joy,” you mutter sarcastically to yourself. Your car is in the driveway, so you can’t pretend you aren’t home. You let her in with the fakest smile you can muster.
As you lead her back to the kitchen, she asks for a cup of coffee. You scramble to find a clean mug as she eyes the sink in a judging manner that speaks more volumes than words ever could. “Oh honey, was there an emergency last night?” she asks. You can’t come up with a good lie, so you pretend like you didn’t hear the question. As you finish up the dishes, your mother-in-law notices the birthday reminder for your son’s 11th birthday party stuck to the fridge. This reminds her of something. She casually brings up the bicycle you’ve had on layaway since last Christmas, the one he would sell his little sister to have. “Don’t worry about it, I went ahead and ordered it. It should be here next week, but you can put your names on the card too,” she says, like she just did you a big favor.
As you stifle the screaming rage in your head, she gives you a concerned look. “Sweetheart, you look tired, let me do that for you while you take a nap.” You want to get defensive and tell her, “Mind your own business, I’m doing just fine!”, but you can’t remember the last time someone offered to do the dishes for you. So, you agree, but you ask her to not let you sleep passed 1:00, you’re expecting a call from Cynthia from the PTA. Cynthia is probably the only person you hate dealing with more than your mother-in-law. As you climb the staircase you hear from the kitchen “Some women just can’t handle the stress of a household.” Once again, you swallow your rage and choose to ignore that comment.
2:55 p.m.
You wake up with a jolt. As you look at your alarm clock, you think to yourself, “Cynthia is never gonna let me hear the end of this!” As you come downstairs, you’re greeted with a spotless house. You can’t help but feel a little violated.
“Did you enjoy your nap?” she asks, beaming from ear to ear. Before you can answer she continues, “Well, once I finished the dishes, I reorganized your kitchen. I don’t understand how you could find anything in there. Then I noticed the whole house could use a good tidying up. When I finished with that, I noticed a bit of a funky smell from the washer, so I rewashed everything.” The thought of your mother-in-law handling your underwear makes you cringe a little deep inside. She continues, “Besides, my son is always saying he misses how I did his laundry when he was little.” If this statement is true, you will make him pay for that later. You ask if Cynthia called. “Oh yes, I told her you were sleeping it off, and you were way too overwhelmed to help with the bake sale. I volunteered my famous oatmeal raisin cookies. Besides, you don’t really have much of a passion for baking,” she says with a sweet smile.
As you feel the wave of rage come upon you, you might have even blacked out for a second, you’re not quite sure, you put on your fakest smile and thank her. You casually mention you need to go pick up the kids from school now. “Oh, do you mind if I pick them up today and take them for a small treat?” she asks. While you want to say no, you can’t think of a good reason and you don’t have the energy to be the bad guy today, so you take her up on her offer. Besides you remember a couple of errands you need to run that your kids would not make easier. You ask her to not totally sugar them up and that dinner would be on the table at 6:00. “Yes, yes, nothing to worry about,” she assures you. You aren’t really reassured.
7:45
One cold dinner and eight missed calls later, your mother-in-law brings the kids home. “Mommy, Granny took us to the carnival!” your daughter tells you as both your children come in, arms full of cheap toys and faces sticky with sugar. You may have blacked out again. Who knows, you’re not keeping count. “They’re such great kids, they needed a little treat,” she says beaming.
Before you can find your words, she continues, “Well, it’s getting late, bye kids, Granny loves you.” And with that, she leaves you with the aftermath. Too late for baths, so you break out the wet wipes. As you put your kids to bed, they can’t help but gush about how awesome Granny is and how much fun they had. Then your son says it, “Granny is the most fun person I know.”
As you stifle a rage-filled scream into your pillow, you make a realization. You take a deep breath and appreciate your children have a grandmother who loves and spoils them. She also took care of all your housework, freeing you up to reorganize your kitchen the next day. You are also glad that you don’t have to deal with Cynthia and the bake sale. You giggle a little to yourself when you picture your mother-in-law beating Cynthia at back-handed compliments.
So, the next time your mother-in-law drops by unexpectedly, you will let her in. And if you let her in, she’ll probably ask you for a cup of coffee.
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