Everyone has these images in their minds of how parenting is going to go for them and their partners. Many people think that the best way to approach parenting is to split the responsibilities right down the middle, share an even load. But what some people don’t realize is that life and parenting don’t always work that way. Here are the two reasons why it’s not working.
1. Keeping Score With Just Your Own Perception
When my son was born, I had the help of both my husband and my mother-in-law. Looking back on it now, I had great support, but at the time I always felt like I was shouldering the majority of the responsibility. As new parents, we were killing ourselves trying to adjust to this new way of life. We would snap at each other a lot, and most of the fighting would turn into who was doing more. I realize now we were trying to keep score, but all we had to go on was our own perceptions. Of course I could tell you all about my rough day at work and the rough time I had with the baby at home, but I couldn’t tell you what my husband had gone through that same day.
It’s easy to fall into this trap of keeping score, but it’s just going to leave you feeling unfairly used and resentful.
2. Nothing Is 50/50 100% Of The Time
There are going to be times where it can’t be 50/50. There are going to be times where one parent is gonna have to do more in order to make things work. Here are two examples from my experience. My husband’s job can get very busy around the holidays. Over-time leads to bigger paychecks, so we don’t pass that up, but that also meant that after a full work day, I would be doing the night-time routine all by myself with my son. That was not fun, and took some getting use to.
And when I was finishing my degree, I would work a full day, and do my internship in the evening. This meant it was my husband picking up our son from daycare and doing the night-time routine all by himself. There are many times one of us has had to pick up the slack for the other. Just remember the two of you are in this together.
Things To Keep In Mind
There Will Be Sacrifice
Parenting is not a job you get to clock out of, or have regular scheduled breaks. This is now a way of life. Much of what you’re able to do and not do is going to be dictated by a very small human being that the two of you chose to have. There will be lots of sacrifices from both of you. You will think you understand, but YOU WILL be surprised by many of the sacrifices you are going to have to make. The sooner you accept this fact, the less you will struggle with it.
Self-Care Is Important, But Be Reasonable
If you are one of those people that has to decompress when you first get home, that is a reasonable request. Tuning out the world for hours after getting home is not reasonable. If your partner is able to give you that time as soon as you come home, be mindful not to take advantage of it. Keep in mind, as well, that you may not get that time until the kids go to bed. My kids get super crazy and clingy around the time I need to start dinner. That is also the time my husband comes home from work. He has realized that in order for dinner to get on the table, he needs to step in and entertain the kids. Be aware of when is a good time to step away and take care of yourself.
Communicate Your Needs
If you need something, but don’t ask for it, there’s a good chance you won’t get it. This is advice that has always stuck with me, and I try to keep this in mind with my marriage. I don’t care how long you have been together, the other person can not read your mind. If you need something, speak up.
Respect Your Partner’s Needs
It’s so hard sometimes to get out of the individual mindset that our needs are most important. Sometimes your needs aren’t going to come first. Once again, sacrifice comes into play.
Always remember you two are in this together. This is a partnership. Always have each other’s backs.
If you liked what you’ve read, please leave a comment and share. For more parenting adventures be sure to follow me on sarahnemo.com and look for Adventures in Creating Little Humans on Facebook and Twitter.